I know its been long since I did a blog. Something happened when I came from celebrating my 19th birthday in #naxvegas and my baby also got a dose of the showering. I blame Joseph and Barbz…that sweet methylated thing that we started drinking on Sunday morning. It was my birthday, and am grateful for all who came through, those that were about to come through and those that are yet to come through. Amasy led the rest of the pack in washing me, he got a cold the next week! I don’t know what to pray for the rest to get. Amnesia maybe…may you suffer! Yvonne and Shishi…pia nyinyi…Sharon, Sophia and Ashera…stop wasting booze by washing me! Arigi..that was chang’aa you was drinking..it glazed my eyes! For peeps like JK (coast bunny), Alvin, Fiona and many others that laughed at me over my baby, karma is a b- and chenu chaja. .lesson learnt, the hard way. Onto other pressing matters…
Road trip was happening. I recall floating the idea months ago and I got overwhelming response. You should see my mailing list. Dear friends, next time some of you commit to doing something, avoid lip service. Sitaongea sana.
We leave Nairobi at 10.00am, two hours late. Women (oops!) and shopping. I seem to have chosen the wrong car as I was in the company of Sheela, Jackie and Bernard. They don’t drink, but they devour grubs. The other van was being driven by Evans and the peeps there had booze. I should have followed Issa’s advice and rode with them. Am still jealous! One would have thought they work as distributors. We pick Anne on the way. She stays on the outskirts of Nairobi yet in Nairobi.
Rift valley viewpoint and I get to see the great rift. In addition, the ladies lined themselves well and that doubled the viewpoint. Someone should open a pub at this point for I don’t see the reason for people just standing and gazing at escarpments. We make a stopover at Delamere…and head straight to that place where you also head to. We stumble on a cleaner there who greats us. I freak salamu za choo!
Kikopey, that place where meat leaves you with second thoughts. Evans seems connected with this guys and there is the nyama for kionjo. Reminds me of Burma market, you ingilia one entry and by the time you are at the other gate, you have sampled 1kg worth of meat from different people. Had a great time here. Kuna watu hukula ugali!!
The clouds start gathering and we get a call from Roberts Camp. Its raining and if we don’t speed up, we may find those small rivers blocking our way. Kind of freaks us out and we miss the chance to buy a torch in Nakuru. The torch story…well, read on. Had fun at the equator...someone wanted to follow it and see if she will get to Maseno....well...you will!
Laz was also on his trip those sides. Unfortunately, his ride is filled with guys while mine is graced by beautiful women. The deal is we meet halfway. I make a terrible mistake and doze. Dude cursed me…pole boss, ni usingizi wa porn-o ulionibeba!
We make it to the camp few seconds to 6.00pm and got an awakening welcome. Animals have right of way here and well, we have to co-exist. Other campers are here and that gives us enough motivation. There is a white couple with their two sons present and one of them is convinced by (silly) Evans that am a hippo. That idiero kid rushes to the paps and the paps tells him to go chase away the hippo…kid came and slapped me on the hand. It was a privilege. How many of you have shook hands with odieros?
One of the locals there reminds us that its mating season for the hippos. What a bad timing for our trip…the hippos get mad when mating…just like humans they have feelings. The waters coming to and from to the shore leaves me with evil thoughts…some pushing is happening under water (enough said)
Bernard becomes a tent guy. His name from this point is ‘tent-hooker’…he is a hooker of tents. Dude won the hearts of the chicks with his mastery in shifting tents. A fast meal and the fun begins….those campfire games….what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas…but let me share some funny dares…one Barnard (he says its BARNAD) was dared to go to a neighbors’ tent and steal a peg…dude almost did it!
Sheela and Jackie overheard some rustling and they freak…running. Lucy who was fondling her chupa also ran. We feel heroes enough and convince them to relax. Then came the second grunt from the hippos….everyone left! Evans runs to the car…and climbs! Tent-hooker seems unawares…and the rest run to the loos, even a Maasai guy that was there seems lost. 10 chicks wakatoshea kwa bafu…when coming back this Maa guy asks me “hata wewe mwanaume unakimbia….”…my response “hakuna cha u-man hapa”….Malkia Bee tripped her leg, and she had the Maa guy fixing it. She seemed to enjoy…and her screams at midnight must have sent the wrong messages to the other campers…Mary was just the funny one, being a medic at midnight! Since they work pamoja, she denies her a sick leave…uliteguka ukifanya nini?
We decide to sleep. More confusion. People never slept in their tents. A hippo was grazing next to our tent…kulinyamzwa!
Morning and the baridi starts biting us! We engage in stealing of blankets…some people woke up at 5.30am…early birds. The view is sweet, that sunrise! After breakfast, we hit the road…to Bogoria. Muthoni seems connected with these people, she almost buys a crate of eggs. Anne on the other hand eats them….wait till we drove back, won’t reveal! Some kalasingas are warming themselves bare-chested…am tempted to remove my shirt and display my one-pack! Only that am not hairy…
I warned people against eating those eggs! look at what happens when you don't listen...
Evans gets heated up and drives bare-chested. Tabia mbaya…that was the reason why we got stuck on the road after his ride drained off fuel. So here we are, in the middle of nowhere without fuel. We tembelea a ka-local that sells booze…they still have the old Tusker. Issa is such a fun chick when under duress…she changes the whole crisis to being a fun moment with crazy ideas...someone confuses a ka-local mama into riding with us…Lucy ----------------------->
< -----poor Muthoni Naserian.....tutafika Nairobi lini?
We get to Kikopey…and things take a twist. Anne…hehehe…next time fungua vizuri. The key splits into half and we miles away from Nairobi. So we first eat as the guys fix the issue…unfortunately, the steering locked. The spare key is in Nairobi. People have to get back home. We running out of time. God seemed to favor His children, and thanks to Lucy…we got sorted.
The next trip happens in August. Check out our page. Sponsors are invited. Even from condom companies (oops!)
typed using a friends PC...I miss my macbook! Kiarie drop that grin!
