m-county!

The last Friday of the first month of the year, a time when those smiles start forming on our faces. By now bankers have cash in their pockets and the popular question this time round is ‘cheque zimepelekwa bank?’

Start off the weekend by tuning to Joey and Joe on Capital FM. The duo is a thing for a weekend, from the mixing by Joe to the suave presentation by Joey. I pity lads like Stig Masya, who started listening to the show while he was in a mathree and he couldn’t alight. Word is that he made three trips in that jav! As for Mutheu Mutua, buy a radio!

Saturday morning, we panga ourselves. Mulwa, our Thika senator had lost his bro weeks ago and they were laying him to rest. Mutinda and Musau pick me up along the road. Now, ever rode on a ProBox? To this minute, my you-know-what is paining!

Kulabu, my team is traveling to Nakuru. Sad that we lost to such a team (am not undermining them but…) but we take on Machine this weekend. Kulabu, whether we win or lose we together.

Stop by Caltex for some nyama choma. Bump on this mzee with a shiny opara. Mutinda laughs till he fell off the seat. We called it a clear runaway and wonder whether our generation will get there.

Mitaboni welcomes us but we can’t recall the way to the home. We keep asking for the direction and all we get is ‘noo vaa’…meaning we already there. We get the service of a local boda-boda guy. This guy is a devil on his own level.

When we left the ‘town’, he had a rubber strip dangling off his back seat and we followed him behind, waiting to see if it will come in contact with spokes. Upon signaling him, he pulls a stunt of driving the bike with one hand and sorting the rubber thing. I though I only see it in movies!

Laz, Kasomi and Victor are here. Victor’s chick too. (People are becoming serious!).

Once paying our final respects, we hit the route back to Nairobi, but decide to use Machakos. Musau’s buddy has an invitation and we take the Katoloni. It’s a nice local with beer going at 100.00. A crate and a half are ordered. “Mututho ndeeese kuu” (Mututho doesn’t know here) is the spirit. The local is behind a hostel meant for chicks alone and no male guest is allowed unless on certification. For this, I will call that drinking spot ‘Virgin Territory!’

Maurice joins us. The debates that ensued…my ears went deaf. The guy does relationships clinic on the vibeweekly site. If you having issues in your relationship, from wondering whether a 3-some is bad to saving it by knowing the consequences of going to bed in a Safaricom tee shirt that has a nibbled collar. This is the guy!

Bottles later and the entourage heads to Wizards. It’s Machakos-es hotspot (I think). Place is funny. One has to go through a chipped road, then go like two floors up, take a corner and another corner. It has a single giant screen and I wonder how people watch soccer there.

Kriss Kims is in the house. He is Machakos top male model and all aspiring models from these sides must be looking up to him for guidance. Eunice, Jackie and Maggie are also around, coming from I don’t know where. Great company offered by the trio.

Booze is cheap here. Three beers at 380.00!

Then all of a sudden there is no music. Its midnight and they have to close. That’s Machakos for you. Wonder how those peeps survive! Sauli Bahati shows up with his ‘ome-boyz’ and great bonding with them. The guy has a blog, a must read. Has a funny name. click HERE.

Leave Machakos juggling whether to venture into Maanzoni or not. Undecided, we make a turn at Makutano. Sorry Kamanza but Nairobi city was only 20 minutes away!

From this point, I lost clue and all I remember is waking up at Connections, Mlolongo. Musau, I have respected your driving! Word!!!!

Here we sit across these two lovely chicks. I make a move. One of them tells me she works at a reputable media house, and when I drive my nose, she changes, saying she wanted to be a journalist. She’s lucky we were high! End of story!

Imara Daima, that’s the final stop. But as they say, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. The end!

Titbits: been a great week for my pal Ibrahim Ahmed aka Johnny. The politician finally managed to get a ruling on his case against Simon Mbugua, the guy we once said needs diaper-change! Johnny, all the best. If you are a Kamukunji person, VOTE wisely.

my buddy Eric Mugo had a chance to 'hang-out' with Sang of the Hague 6 at Kitwek Nite...note the height variation!

there goes Mitaboni's Makmende! Stunt 101!

..what happens at Quins, stays at Quins!

I know you all expecting me to start this blog on a submissive note. Mwamba lost, Quins carried the day. They were the better team and they were home…so my excuse is going to be ‘Uwanja ni wao..ref pia ni wao…hata mpira ilikuwa yao!’

Kat, Julie, Nyasubo, Yvonne, Busna, Katini, Smooth and all those Quin(ines) that had mobbed me during the day, I agree your team won. Kades and Scrum Half…last weekend you witnessed the KCB refusing with that bank loot and you had a field day again. I agree that on Saturday you had your laughter, and as they say…(s)he who laughs, last. We live to fight another day Mwamba.

Myra, Jules, Nzilani and all those beautiful ladies that found love in Mwamba, take heart. As they say, every canine has its day, theirs was last weekend, and we will laugh and last one of these fine days. Rome was not built in a day, but in Rome…so, pole pole tu!

Enough of the wailing let me man up!

The tenth leg of the Kenya Cup finds Quins playing host to Mwamba. The last time these black shirts were here, the game ended on a tensional note.

I find a stone next to Kwambo, and the game kicks off on a low note. In that slang from where the sun rises we call it ‘kuficha white ball’…no one wants to attack but all want to defend. Quins angukia the first one (I insist..ANGUKIA…) and Mwamba catches up with them. Fans are not happy with the 6-5 difference…I mean, we have paid to watch action, ranted one fan.

I spot Chiira, seated comfortably among the Mwamba fans. He seems to be engrossed in the match and for once isn’t tweeting. Chiira is one of the tweeps I hold with much respect when it comes to tweeting. The way he 4-sqaures us that he is here and there will one day land him stalkers. Can’t wait to see a 4-square post of him at a frothy zone! Muendo is also around, with some other tweeps...I see rugby slowly entering your veins...cheers guys @LaylaLestrange @Buggz79 @MMuendo @muniu @MissCixx @ngeny @emmaeffa

Mutheu strolls in, Ivory as well. The last time Ivory and I chatted is when she wanted to know where PakSound is located. I told her next to a dingy brothel called Super Mambo and the two started a conversation at how I know the place…simple, Super Mambo is well known…its international and that is why its super!

Mogusu and Mikey are seated next to me. Mogusu is carrying those FB-bags that grace our eyes come Friday. Kumbe he is carrying whiskey. Mutunga shows up and the two catch up. Then Mogs invites us to share in the drink, and later picks on me and my mbrother that we drank like it was water. Mogs, remember twonee-mbee? Nguna gets high on paraffin and that was just but a soft drink.

The boys get back to the field. Quins seem to have studied Mwamba’s game and some weak defense boosted by Quins physique see them finish the game at . am not much of a rugby writer, I slept while the lecturer was busy telling us how to write. I said slept, not slept with….for more, check here

The game comes to an end, and as usual, all heads head to the watering hole!

I bump on Collins Injera. Good to have you back on the team. You know you are a makmende when you get recalled and the IRB site does a mention of you. Same as Biko Adema and Lavin Asego. For those selected, kindly remember we leading the table from behind. We believe in you, make us proud. Don’t drink and play…kindly remember the words of one (wise) John Kiarie. Coach Benjamin Ayimba was on my telly on Monday morning on Citizen TV, and he said we should cheer them along. We will cheer them, hata tukiwa huku Kenya.

Talking of Vegas, every promoter in that land is doing a Vegas Sevens bash. Posters are flying all over Facebook. I hope none of you is running a Karumaindo sort of gig.

Certified Party Rockers. I vouch for you. Plus my boy Dj Joe is spinning. One word for all those party-goers… A.R.M.Y.S.O.J.E.A.L.O.U.S. George Mokuasi, great work you doing over there. I officially declare you the shadow winner of the Elliptics award. Represent!

Kenyans over there, come out in large numbers…this is your team. A.R.M.Y. tee-shirts are on their way (a reliable source says so), get yours and flaunt it. Take photos and post on Facebook. Tag us. The tee-shirt is not seasonal mind you. As for groupies, please keep off…we need our boys to focus.

Back to Quins land, did I mention that their kit was somehow funny? The top is great, but then the shorts can leave a chameleon dead. (shoot me!)

Arigi shows up, with Tonyango, Kadongo, Millie and Nyams. His ride has been christened AIR FORCE ONE. Too bad he wont park it in CBD anymore thanks to the 250-bob fee…I have a feeling Arigi will be leaving the car being washed at Lunar Park and head all the way to town. pole daddy. Me I stay in Muthurwa, and it’s healthy to walk.

Olwenda, forever mysterious. You see him bi-annually. Next time you spot him, I bet it will be Sevens! Kades and Scrum…you were in some hot pants then all over sudden you appear in different set of clothing’s…women! Myra, happy birthday. I know I had promised you a birthday cake. Will get you, next year. It’s not far. January is over..see!

This weekend Kulabu travels to Nakuru and I will be joining them so all those beautiful ladies from that county better show up. Dress up, spray yourself and straighten your weaves, the boys are in town!

….by the way, Mogusu, that sweater of mine, can I have it back before you leave for Kinshasa?

some you win, some you lose.

Anyone from Murang’a in the house? You people deserve a pat on the back, and that bar owners association needs be registered as a political party ASAP!

Its evening and news comes in that the Mututho Bill has been flushed down the loos of the judiciary, after the above named association filed a case to have it suspended. The news is met with jubilation, and one might think Kibaki had given Kenyans a holiday in mid January. Mututho becomes the hunted, and twitter guys pick on him with a #mututhoplaylist .

Trust Kenyans on twitter to pull the best, when it comes to a trending topic, and as Mutheu once put it, if you are not on twitter, I don’t know what you waiting for! Plus Crazy Nairobian did a wonderful piece about it.

It is also a night that one Fareed is having a birthnight. Dude is growing up fast! Happy b-lated birthday Fareed, may all your dreams come true, I have been waiting for mine to become a reality!

Giggles is getting bigger, by the night that is. I bump on Oliver Mathenge, one of the brains behind the BarStool poetry. The thing is growing and last time I was there, I was forced to sit outside and juggle between my cold glass of Malt and listening. Catch you at the first one for this year. Sharing a table is Kenny Kaburu, who has a new version of a Kenyan Facebook, Aron Morris, Nyamwaya aka MUFC milele and a number of Gigglers. Am told that James Murua and others have left for a Mututho eviction party at another pub-with-a-funny-name. Oddly is that the pub closed at 11.00pm!

I love the way GMoney plays his dancehall music, and so I tembelea him at Jazz, then peep at Spree. Meet one Wangechi on her way out and hang out until one David Mugo shows up. This is a guy to chase come 2012, he knows how and why.

Saturday, Kulabu are meeting the bankers (KCB). Too much hype ahead of this match and one can feel that one is out to get points, with the other seeking a revenge after a beating last October.

Scrum Half and Kadenyeka stroll in, they are in support of KCB babes and they prove this from their (funny) printed tee-shirts. Someone at KCB must have bankrolled the tee-shirts. Cool chicks to hang out with, as long as you don’t get whooped by their team!

Richard Omwela strolls in, too many questions bug me about the performance of the 7’s team in the IRB leg. Cant ask, am just a fan.

Game kicks off, and the bankers start on a high note, gaining a 7-0 lead over Mwamba. One can attest this to the P.U.S.H.-ing by the bankers and some weak defense by the Mwamba side. Mwamba made a bounce back minutes later, with a try and a conversion that leveled the game to 7-7, then scaled up 12-7 in favor of Mwamba. Minutes later, the bankers were ahead after a conversion that took the game to14-12, then to 19-17 in favor and that’s only the first half. One could even feel the tension from the terraces, as Mwamba fans poked the KCB fans.

By the end of the second half, one can feel that KCB doesn’t want a rendition of what happened when the two last met. Kulabu fans cheer on despite the results and one would love the atmosphere when the two teams locked horns at 29-29!

By the time the Elliptics Ref of the year mumunyaad his firimbi, KCB was ahead with 32, and Mwamba had to settle with 29. KCB are now third, while Mwamba stay fourth.

I know Yvonne Kariuki is all smiles reading this, next weekend tuko kwenu! Can’t wait for the clash between Mwamba and Quins. Epic battle! Titans clash!

Mutunga Nguna and Mutinda Mwania didn’t have a plot for the weekend, so as early as 7.00am, when a brother is still nursing his hangdown, he receives a call from Mutunga. “Tunakuya ngame…” and for sure, they made it.

Poor Mutinda, he only watched 6 minutes of the action, and passed out! Stig Masya (Abel) strolls in, and he must have sneaked from job-o to come watch the game. Kollo Nabiswa, you support Scotland or what? We meeting again, Arsenal and Barcelona, want a bet?

Mutunga on the other hand had a ‘nice’ tee-shirt, which he couldn’t resist showing off to the chicks. He even dared a test drive!

Hadn’t noticed that Jules also had hers, where is the world heading to!

Millie, Kadongo, Madi and Madi were around. We need place a bet ASAP on the Quins – Mwamba clash!

We end up at Imara Daima, and have to pay a visit to Joseph Walcott Lukose, who stays on the 23^rd floor! Those fleet made people sober. His chick was nice, she gave me and Mutunga a chapo each. Dude wasn’t in the house so we had to go tafuta him at another place he was gambling/ playing scrabble.

Imara Daima was a nice place to celebrate Mututho’s eviction, let’s do it again!

A weekend, of winning and losing…for the winners, keep celebrating. Those that were on the receiving end, you live to fight another day.

Bonus: Have you guys checked out Road Trip? Yes, we taking Facebookers to the Rift Valley this April…we chomoka Saturday and come back on Sunday night. Plenty of actions on the way…eeerr, I mean fun!

Mwambanization!

Call it a sweet revenge, call it good omen that comes with brand new jerseys…or call it playing at home! Mwamba’s victory over Impala was just one to crown the weekend!

The Railways club plays host to the two, who have been baying for each other’s blood. They are at the top 3 behind Quins and I can bet you its either Mwamba or Impala who are taking the cup home!

I check in minutes after kick-off, mama watoto kando yangu. Ayumba is in the house. This guy deserved the Union’s award for the best rugby reporter. He is with his camera guy Chris Omollo, who walks around with an elongated lens on his camera. Quiet a task being a sports photographer!

The crowd here is a bit high, and the more steps up the terrace, the higher the crowd. Chants of Mwamba inabamba reign the air and the Impala fans seem to only cheer when they come close to the touchline.

The terraces remind me of Mass Choir, which I was part of when in primary school. Singing for Mo1 and then you get free uniform plus Bata shoes and a meal at the Moi Educational Centre. Wonder what eats our guy up that he can’t have the thing revived! The wooden terraces have been eaten away by the hands of time and are dusty and an eyesore. Same as the pitch…Anyone from Kulabu to snap his fingers and make things happen....HELLO!!

Steel Pulse is around, and he makes several trips to the beer vendors to get malted! Arigi shows up, in specs. Could this guy be ageing or it’s a swag? Puree, Nyasuba and Madea show up in the A.R.M.Y. gear…those tops have been swinging traffic to the Ministry. Cant wait for what is in the pipeline this year.

Impala put up a spirited fight, but Kulabu have the better advantage. Am not a sports writer so am going to leave it at that. You can read that from the 40-bob Sunday paper!

I notice Nyasuba is flaunting her REDDS drink…that to me is like juice. I repeat, if you take a chick out and she orders for that drink, ask the waiter for fluffy yellow sconse! Nyasuba……bite me!

Mike Kwambo, he who lost his phone at Bella Vista club last year is busy scribbling points down. He looks like a scout of some sort, don’t know if he does print rugby or online rugby.

Bump on Daudi Were, also lensed up. I compare his camera to the point and shoot ones we show up at Safari 7’s with…great to link up with you. Ondiege is on cloud 9, strolling here and there in the sweet victory of his team.

Kevin ‘mbling’ Wambua is probably the sole Kao guy I know playing rugby. I may be the next one, watch this space for Facebook rugby!

Stig Masya, has a proposal that we head to K1, but not with my hangdown. Thika did more damage to a brother and cant stand another beer bottle. Next time Stig, I repeat Next time!

Arigi gives me a beer with a funny name, Omera am used to distilled things! Now how does one take this? It says ‘Enjoyed since 1880’….wtf!

Kiarie, our coast bunny did a good one. This guy can write, write and never stop writing. He has a vision for one Julie Mwamburi, who he testifies has the best *slaps* around…check it out! He talks about finding the A.R.M.Y. tees at Tesco and Mr. Price…how this is the year for the Wizara and how he has marital plans. Can’t wait for the stag night, kwanza Mombasa!

The weekend is only hours away, can’t wait!

Thika sirudi tena...

Been long since I did a blog, my apologies, work and other errands that keep my economy moving. A lot has happened at the last phase of last year, both good and bad. This is 20-ellevate and we focus, yes focus!

Crossed the mwaka safely and sober, kwanza at the Groove Party where I was in the company of the likes of Nancy Kihenia aka NKT, Seb aka Don, Kev and other creative minds. The gig was crommed and well, seems its another plus year for the Gospel music in Kenya. Blessings double-double!

The first weekend of the year, and all of you can agree that the weekend reminiscices those prolonged droughts from UKambani! Accountants dodge us and thus there was minimal binging around, kwanza with the Mututho laws that had over 30 beer apostles sent 6 months behind bars for drinking before 5.00pm. Funny thing is that they were at Sabina Joy, that famous brothel that has stood the test of time. Me thinks it was a crime of passion, but then they say the law is something!

Mutunga and Mutheu hijack me for a random one to Thika. We get to meet at the Nation lounge, it’s a nice spot, the décor and set up is eye-catching, plus the beer price comes handy being January. Problem is that all their screens are showing ntv programmes, even those irritating soaps from the Phils! Someone tip them to have one screen for ntv, the rest can get a DSTV feed or something mature and entertaining.

Ann shows up, and we have to zindikisha her. Chick made me laugh when she asked the Thika mathree whether she can be dropped at Kasarani….its like going to Kisumu and you want to alight at Westie and pay 50 bob…Ann…its 2011!

Mutunga spots house utensils and is amazed. Can’t blame a brother, problem of being a bachelor is that you own one thermos, one cup, one plate, one sufuria, one spoon and one fork.

We board a Matatu for Thika, and the jav is full of beauties and couples. Mutunga being the guzzler couldn’t resist stopping the mat to obey the call of nature. Am sure he cut it off when the driver put in the ignition key!

Thika town isn’t that bad. Beer is 120/- and one can feel the nightlife here. We start at a highway local where we join Mutinda and Freda. The latter left 48 hours later and it is said Mutinda flooded JKIA with tears, mapenzi ni ugonjwa kweli. The same happened to Victor, who left the KAA staff mopping away his tears at the UAE departures!

And someone better tell them folks there to pull down those Christmas lights, its January!

We decide to check in at Pokers, with the hope that patrons here poke! Met one Facebook friend that Syooooks me all the way, much to the entertainment of the gang. What happens in Thika, stays in Thika!

I hate clubs where one has to pay to enter, and to make matters worse…a 100bob! Then they have to stamp the palm of your hand as if you are a document.

A cat fight ensued, next to us. Thika mama’s know how to use the beer bottle. I don’t know who did what for who but it’s rather unethical and against tradition for beautiful, bootiful and smartly dressed chicks to trade punches.

We swap clubs, and go to one Cocoa-whatever that denied us entry. Looked like a punk club as the number of Raj’s descendants kept showing up. We opt to call it a day-of-night and pass out, in the car…with Mutunga, whose phone kept ringing every 35 minutes!

There is something about sleeping in odd places and position, one tends to get carried away and has sweet dreams! You turn and realize you on an inclined car seat!

9.00am..i leave Thika. The rest want to travel to Kitui, me I have a game to watch.

Thika, you on my mind.