Sea-Water, Cement Matters, Pokin Tim, #teamTusker

First of all, a minute of silence for our coast-o bunny…one JK…he is down with malaria. JK is the guy behind the A Million reasons why you should spare something to keep girls in school. I still believe the guy drank sea-water. Get well soon bro, those girls need you.

Bamburi RSS was coming to its end and the clash was well…fierce. Sharks ceased being sharks and became omenas thanks to our Ugandana burathas. Sharks and Cheetahs were meeting (again) for the finals. My favorites Lions had been reduced to pulp and joined the spectator stage. RFUEA was jam packed…somehow looked like schools have closed. Chicks from all walks of life are here. Tall. Short. Voluptios. Skinny. Meaty. Drunks. Nuns. Name them. They flowered the place. Good thing for Kenyan rugby. K-twedy-fo was doing the games live, which saved some people their 300 bob. The best thing with watching on Tv is they rewind and do all that stuff. Enough.

Game kicks off. Cheetahs manage some numbers, too bad all of them are mere kicks. Rhinos seem to be reading their opponent and Victor Sudi draws the real first blood. That run is memorable. With his size, I imagine him being a thug. He steals from you and of course jogs away…you can’t scream!

John Ahenda….what did that guy do to you? Yaani the tackler became the victim. Dude was knocked of his senses. Ahenda, Kenyan watched you. Even your landlord. Amekuogopa.

Tweeps are also present. I am yet to get how one can tweet while watching the game. Do you people always have like a template ready or what? Am talking about you @idaywa @muniu @kollonabiswa @Amasy @mmuendo @chiira @mumbi_ @ciruwanjii @yesitsngish @sirLV @andabwadiana

Cheetahs get the chance to either take the game to a sudden death….or fight to place the ball behind the line. Honestly, I would have fought to place that ball. From my own fuzzy calculations, Cheetahs must be weighing 1,500 kgs….Rhinos is double that. Do the maths. Please note the use of the words ‘my’ before some of you start telling me “si ungeingia ucheze…..”

Cheetahs lost. Good game played there. I hope Bamburi offered each of you a packet of simiti. A round of applause to corporates that support Kenyan sport.

Afterparty….and I meet some usual suspect. Puree has this brown hair that infatuates Tonyango. Tonyango has this security-like cardigan, he must have sneaked from work. Nyasubo is in a cool dress (or is it a mini?)….I insist you stop doing trousers, and let us drool at those legs. Eve....you the breed that deceived Adam! Conso, she of the ‘mwanaume ni…’ fame looks calm today. Mwamba seems to be letting her down of late. She is a die-hard fan. Lina is present, she seems to get shorter. Maybe the booze made me see that. it made me trip and almost forget Amiani. Fiona.....wapi nani?

Ralph is another one. Drink after drink. Pulse, Malenya and Love-enda are on the other side, sipping some poison. One guy is busy chewing khat and they offer me. Sorry, I have not yet done the fruits-of-my-loins duty…those twigs (I overheard) can mess one big time. Blanks. End of story.

Levi was a tournament official. For once I have seen the guy busy. Sasa lete hiyo pesa tukunywe…na simiti tujenge nayo….and thanks for the shots of Jack Daniels. Your plan to get me drunk and rob from me will never work. Riswo! Shindwe!

Quins Clubhouse gets swarmed. Small petite chicks stand out. Rugby is forever a crowd puller. This, I gather from the hours I had to queue at the washrooms. I foresee Sevens guys being offered a ka-potty at the entrance.

Mi-Lee, Kadongo and Kwambo are hanging next to the washrooms...kweli kumejaa. Ondiege looks lost, he reminds me am supposed to be in Machakos!

I noticed Julie Mwamburi is missing. Arigi pia. Felix pia. Nyamoitah pia. Kathambi…kweli hii mia tatu ilikuwa ngumu kupata. Start saving for Sevens!

Nguna joins the party. We was set to go to Machakos but got derailed. Its Mutua Ndungi’s birthday and am told the meat is finished, no need to come. Even the chicks have left. Robbie uplifts our spirits when he tells us that he is on his way to join us. Forget Machakos, and party like the rapture is hours away!

Myra and Barbara show up, they from Rhino Charge. How do you go for Rhino Charge when Rhinos are playing? Nzilani sticks up at the counter, am surprised she is taking water. She is from Kangundo. Legend has it that Kangundo women are ………………………

Maurice shows up, and Nguna rushes to pick his bag. Seen the way you fika upcountry and those peeps there welcome you and carry your mzigo….that’s Nguna. Typical character. Nguna is still on meds, no heavy drinking.

We head to Impala. Victor Mabwa is throwing a similar after-party here. I had earlier posted on #MKZ that the thongs some chicks had planned to rushia Fally Ipupa at Carni, they come and litter at Impala. This Mabwa character is fond of throwing mbuzi Saturdays. Follow his events in case you the random Saturday guy. Plenty of female company at his parties….plus the grounds and rugby stands offer ample green lodging. Last time we was here, Mitch Ochola and his accounting students robbed the bankers! Mitch has been on a winning spree. Good stuff Mitch!

Impala’s trophy cabinet looks empty, and only those old trophies grace the space. Reminds me of Arsenal’s cabinet. Their latest addition is from their female team. Impala has a female shoe standing next to a trophy. You guys stopped chasing a ball and are now after feminine wear?

Too much for the night, Syoks needs go home, but how he ends up at Psys….he has no idea! Love-Ender is here…she calls this her local. I bump on Tim Njiru. Tim is the Poken gadget guy. You watched the feature on KTN yesterday night. Poken is a media business card. It phases off the business card thing…all you have to do is to ‘mate’ two poken devices together and PAP! Mission complete. I feel proud to own something that the likes of Bob Call-Me-More have. Let me know if you want one.

Its 4.00pm. Waithera must be waiting for me, a mwiko in her right hand and a Bible in the other. The Bachelors we end up in town to buy chicken and fries. She loves chicken, and so do I.

The year is halfway... my new year resolutions are still a faint from being achieved. Same as yours.

Ps: if you have no plot for Wednesday, the Mpumalanga (what a name) Pumas will be playing…let us see how people rock in their official wears!