Musinziili Nite..furr furr kondishon!

They say nothing draws people from my community together than mbeautivul (beautiful) women, kalovo (not chang’aa) and music!

Last Friday, Carnivore hosted the Kamba theme nite dubbed Musinzilii Nite. Musinzilii, according to some two goons (keep reading) deeply entrenched in the Akamba custom is a sort of dance where youths come and interact in the hope of getting a soul mate after the dance. I didn’t care about getting a soulmate, there are many other ways of ‘hunting’. The previous name has been having issues but hey, Kamba’s want to dance and have fun, no matter the name!

Come evening and Laz Kisau, one of the goons mentioned afore gives me a call. Now, how do you go to Carni at 7.00pm? ama you wanted to go and pick a strategic seating place? Carni huendwa from 10pm, not unless you going to wipe seats! Laz by the way is the guy who took us to his ocha, a place where your mobile phone network is shifty!

Richard Kasomi, the other goon had marshaled up people from his village. These are friends you grew up with, guys you went to swim in the river with, ladies that made you join the local church choir…ladies that made you adorn a Savco jeans and karanga your nywele leaving it with a heavy scent of Hair Glo!

I link up with Dannie, my big bro whom we share birthday’s (our parents were good in mathematics!) and pitia a ka-local called ‘The Red Centre’ in Upper Hill, thanks to one Ronald Ng’eno and Eric Mugo Wamae. Ronnie was in the Red camp days back and to date, anything and everything to him is a ‘NO’…the spot had a number of Kale biggies. Reminds me of the stories of how our sisters visit their region once this wazee’s get their shares once they have sold wheat. Mugo is an Okuyo goon that once threatened us with a 1 million (dummy) cheque!

Contrary to other locals, waitress-es here issue you the bills with the glass upside down!

We make way to Carni, the car park is almost full. Kao’s must be minting money. I like that! This is contrary to Mugithi Nite’s where 75% of the vehicles parked there are pick-ups…the owners leave in the morning (drunk) and head straight to biashara ya kubeba thaara!

Inside, I meet Mulwa Siva…Mulwa resides in Thika and through the pineapple plantations to get here! Mutheu Nomi is also present, drinking chang’aa (legalized, happy?) Musau Mwania…here and there, hunting for what we all know best! Possibly trying to tafuta people (mostly she’s) who promised him that watakuja! Mutinda Mwania in his usual coat (Musau said that, not me!) and he tries to pull an innocent look on us! Mutunga Nguna and his brother Ndothia, forever holding bottles! Martin Nthiwa, we spotted you! Kamanza, noisy as usual! The towering Molly K, whom when I stand next to, I reach somewhere…talk of a safe landing!

Makusa Nzioki and George Mwangangi..you know what they say about the three of you (wapi Vincent?) Then there was Julius, who works in Kisumu city…who had an injury on the cheek…what happened?

Kamulito was in the house too, but being dark I never got the chance to see his date and do my ratings, plus I was kidogo tipsy. Kuna round 2, ntamwona! Then Eriq Dee, who is an ardent supporter of that team that starts the league on a high note and ends up a disappointing fifth! Now, Eric, how do you get onto the stage and wave an Ass-en-all scarf? Dude, that’s how people end up getting assassinated! Peleka Arsenal yako mbali!

Maurice Muendo and Alfie, my former buddies from Mbooni boys (drop those thoughts!)…next time you want to kill me, buy me liquor! A pretty Veronicah (won’t reveal the second name, lest uone friend requests!) was in the company of these two goons! Pee Kay M-Sila…who was that chick you was with? Ni kama namjua!

Churchill was roaming here and there, under his trademark cap! I greet him and he goes like “Syoks, umeleta maid wako wa Syokimau huku?”

Sue, Lucy and Eve…these three chicks were dressed to stand out…one would chomoa and hide their wedding ring! Eve is a sister to some two/three lovely ladies (sitawataja) that forever leave me confused! Patricia Munini, dressed up like a she-sailor…I wonder what was her motive, Carol Mbete was trying to compose herself from the kalovo, Manuella, my sweet dear neighbor (with benefits), Ruthie Naeku Ndunge and Dama Ngeli, you owe me! Jackline guy, nice meeting you!

Tesh Mumbua, no words for you! You have been hiding your twin sister from me all these years! Joy Ngosi, thanks for letting me shake your sister’s hand, now wait for me to shake your clan elder’s hands! Ruth Randy, how could you? Irene Kanini, we owe each other a poke (asi!)

I was missing some character in the name of Mblayo…come back home ASAP! Same as you Susam Muthoka and Sev Bahati! Edgar Tambo, atafutwe!

Onto the uninvited guests…Ronald Ngeno, next time kumbuka Kalovo sio maji, just coz it was retailing at 100bob a glass doesn’t make you drink like water! I loved the way you leaned, tried squatting, walked away…name them!

Eric Mugo…ile cheque vipi?

Kenny Kaburu aka FB-Governer and James Murua, these two brothers from Meru thought of a gate-crush. Kenny, according to sources was drinking his rent! Murua is this guy that I totally dread drinking with…for he drinks till the bladder bursts! He got christened ‘Mulwa’ and had to dropped ‘Murua’.

Come 5.00pm…that night was too short, same as the days of the week. Time is moving fast, high time I started working on my new year resolutions before next year…and that is marrying you, Nzisa wa Kioko!

Off to the pub!